Hey. See you later. Hey, Dad.
Before you go, can I ask you something?
Oh, ask your mother. Why can't I ask you?
Well, because whatever answer I give you,
she's gonna tell me it's the wrong one.
Wow, Dad. When did you become so afraid of Mom?
I... ask your mother.
Hey, Mom, can I ask you a question?
Okay, why can't people learn to use their car alarms?
Turn it off, jerk! Uh, Mom, that jerk is you.
What? That's your car alarm.
Oh, well, that's entirely different.
Why is it going off? That's why.
Uh-oh.
Charlie's going through her button-pushing phase.
Isn't it adorable? Yeah, yeah, real cute baby.
Can we get back to me now? Okay, honey, what is it?
The kids at school are teasing me again.
About your hair? No, about my bike.
What's wrong with my hair? Nothing.
It worked when you were five, it works now.
Okay, now what about your bike?
It's lame. I need a new one.
Oh, a new bike, huh?
Ask your father. Really?
No, I'm just kidding.
You can't have a new bike.
Everyone knows your bike is a statement of who you are.
My bike says "this guy is a total geek."
Same thing your haircut says.
♪ Today's all burnt toast ♪
♪ Running late, and Dad jokes ♪
♪ Has anybody seen my left shoe ♪
♪ Close my eyes, take a bite ♪
♪ Grab a ride, laugh out loud ♪
♪ There it is up on the roof ♪
♪ I've been there, I survived ♪
♪ So just take my advice ♪
♪ Hang in there, Baby, things are crazy ♪
♪ But I know your future's bright ♪
♪ Hang in there, Baby ♪
♪ There's no maybe ♪
♪ Everything turns out all right ♪
♪ Sure life is up and down ♪
♪ But trust me, it comes back all around ♪
♪ You're gonna love who you turn out to be ♪
♪ Hang in there, Baby ♪
Hey, honey. What you working on?
Oh, nothing.
Do you mind? I can't help it. I saw the word "mom."
Okay, I'm writing a script for my drama class.
We're supposed to shoot a short film.
About an important moment in our lives.
Ooh ooh! Which moment?
I've been involved in so many.
Well, it's about the day you and Dad sat me down.
And told me you were expecting Charlie.
Can I read it? Sure, when I'm finished.
No, come on. I'm really excited.
Give me a sneak peek. Okay.
Okay, let's see here. "Bob"... yak, yak, yak.
"Teddy"... blah, blah, blah.
Teddy, we need to talk to you."
Oh, this is really good.
Mom exits.
Where does it say that? I don't see that.
No, no, it doesn't. I'm saying that.
Guys, I'd like you to meet my new girlfriend, Nina.
Nina, this is my best friend P.J...
Hi. and his sister Teddy.
Nice to meet you. Oh, nice to meet you too.
Come on in. Emmett, when did you get a girlfriend?
Like 20 minutes ago. I rushed right over as soon as it happened.
Emmett has told me so much about you.
She talks like that all the time.
She's from South America. Venezuela.
I thought you said South America.
Emmett, Venezuela is in South America.
Right?
Yeah, they have trouble with subjects ending in "-ography."
And "-ath." and "-ience."
Teddy, can I talk to you for a second?
Sure. I'll be right back.
Okay.
So how long have you been in the country?
Only one day. That explains how you ended up with Emmett.
So, Teddy,
since I have a girlfriend now.
This thing that's been going on between us...
Mmm, that thing that exists only in your head?
Yeah, that... it's over.
Okay.
That's good. Deny the pain.
No tears? No problem.
So brave. So... Emmett.
Dad! Dad, dad, quick! Get in here!
My bike is gone! Somebody stole it!
What? Yeah, the garage door is wide open.
But I closed it when I came in.
Well, somebody opened it,
and I think I know who.
Charlie did it. No.
You did that! She's pushing the buttons again.
Hang on, hang on. Hey you.
How did Charlie even get the garage door remote?
Who cares? Wheelie is gone.
You called your bike, Wheelie? I used to.
I loved that old bike.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. It's okay.
You know what? We're gonna get you a new one.
Okay, I'll be in the car.
Teddy, honey, your script is terrific.
I love it. Oh, Mom, I'm so glad you like it,
'cause I thought you were gonna be critical.
But you're not critical, you're just really smart.
Okay, so who's in it?
Who's playing the Duncans?
Oh, kids from my drama class.
This one kid, waiter, is playing Dad.
Blah, blah, blah. Who's playing me?
I haven't cast the mom role yet.
I'm having auditions later.
Oh, okay. Well, if you need me to do anything,
just let me know. I could do props,
costumes or play Mom... whatever.
Here we go.
You know, I don't know if I've told you this,
but when I was younger I did a lot of theater.
Really? What did the Southwest Denver
Community college "Daily Bugle" say?
The Southwest Denver Community college "Daily Bugle"
alled my Maggie from "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof"...
Purr-fect.
Ah. Look, Mom. I'm supposed to use kids
from my drama class in the video.
Of course. Of course you are.
I understand. Thanks.
You know what I feel like?
I feel all the time like a cat on a hot tin roof.
Dad! Mom's bugging me!
Hello there. Oh, hi.
It's P.J., right? That's right.
So how are you liking South High?
Oh, everyone is so nice.
Some more nice than others.
That's... Nice.
Uh, I hope you don't think I'm being too forward,
But I find you very intriguing.
I find you standing very close now.
This is my number. I hope you'll use it.
Don't you already have a boyfriend?
No, but I'm hoping to. Ciao.
Ciao?
Oh, no, she already has a nickname for me.
Hi, honey. Hey.
Why is there a new bike in the garage?
Gabe's bike got stolen. Poor kid was crushed.
What are you talking about? He hated his old bike.
Wheelie? Yes, weally.
Are we talking like this for a weason?
No, Wheelie is what he called his bike.
Yesterday he called his bike lame.
And then asked me for a new one.
Huh.
Kinda suspicious, don't you think?
Yeah.
It weally is.
Hey, do you know how they say bananas in Venezuela?
Bananas.
Do you know what girls from Venezuela call the guy
they secretly want to date behind their best friend's back?
Ciao.
Wait. What?
Nina flirted with me at school today.
No, she didn't. Did too.
Okay, maybe you didn't understand her.
I understand English.
I've been speaking it since I was seven.
I think you're making things up.
Now I don't speak Spanish, but that has got to be a come-on.
All righty. Are you guys ready?
Hey. I thought you kids might like some refreshments.
Thank you, honey. I'm so lucky to have you.
Uh, Mom, that's waiter. He's playing Dad.
Please, call me Bob.
It'll help me stay in character.
Take your arm away, Bob.
And this is Kimmy. She's playing me.
Question about my character.
Why did you name her Teddy?
Well, we just really liked the name.
That was you blowing my mind.
She was the only one who tried out.
Well, have you found a mom yet?
Oh, no, all the Amy candidates are out on the porch.
Oh, okay. Whatever.
I wasn't even thinking about that, really.
Is that the mail I hear? I'm just gonna go check and find out.
Sorry, girls, the video shoot's been canceled.
Yeah, the Duncans have head lice.
Okay, first let's...
Hey, where'd everybody go?
Beats me.
Anything Mom can do for you?
Wow. You're unbelievable. Okay, well,
seeing as I have no other choice, would you...
Yes!
Okay, here we.
Mom, come on. I want to get started.
Coming! I spend more time
waiting for that woman.
Mom, why did you change?
The script says Amy's in scrubs. Oh, honey,
I learned in college theater
that the script is really just an outline.
Okay. All right, everyone, here we go.
Bob and Amy, you're on the couch.
Teddy enters from over there. Now remember, guys,
this is just a rehearsal so use your scripts.
And action.
"Teddy, can you come here a minute?"
"Teddy crosses to the couch, nervous.
'Am I in trouble'... question mark."
No, no, no, Kimmy, just the lines, honey.
Not the other stuff, okay?
And action.
"Teddy, we need to talk to you."
"Am I in trouble?"
"Well, I'll just say it.
Your mother's gonna have a baby." Okay, can we stop?
Can we stop? I'm sorry.
These words... they just don't fit into my mouth comfortably.
But it's what happened. It's exactly what you said.
The day you were supposed to be wearing scrubs.
Okay, valid point, but do we want to make it real.
Or do we want to make it good?
I want to make it before my battery dies.
Yeah. Well, that new bike sure is a beauty.
Sure is, Dad.
All right. Have fun. Okay.
Gabe, before you go... Yeah?
One quick question. Mm-hmm.
You know that garage door remote that Charlie had?
Mm-hmm. How do you think she got that down from the cupboard?
Maybe you should ask Charlie. Yeah, well,
you know I can't do that. Oh, because she can't talk yet.
Yeah. Yeah, that is a bummer.
Yeah, it sure is.
All right. You know what? I'll see you later.
Okay.
You know what? Just one more thing.
Mm-hmm.
You know, I don't even think.
That remote works from the kitchen where Charlie was.
Dad, what are you trying to say?
Are you accusing me of something?
No, I just wanna know when you're gonna be back.
Oh, half an hour. Can I go now?
Of course you can, Gabe.
You've always been free to go.
Okay.
Okay, okay, there she is.
Now I'm going to prove to you that she likes me.
And not you. Okay. Okay.
Hi. Hi.
So far it's a tie.
Okay, I know we both have a lot to offer,
But you're gonna have to choose between us.
Oh, I choose P.J.
Okay, let's try that again.
And remember it's a multiple-choice question.
My choice is still P.J.
I'm sorry, I can't go out with you.
I wouldn't do that to Emmett. Pals before gals.
Thanks, man. You'd do the same for me, right?
Yeah, let's go with that.
Wait a minute. I know what's going on here.
You think I'm Nina. You're not?
No! I'm Tina. That's Nina.
Twins!
Wait. What are we doing?
And then I could say,
"Teddy girl, mama's having a baby child!"
Right? Right? Isn't that better?
Doesn't it make more sense.
That Amy would tell Teddy about the baby?
"mama's having a baby child"?
Well, Teddy, I'm just trying to find
the emotional truth to the piece.
No thank you.
Okay, fine. You want me to be a robot, I'll be a robot.
I'll be a robot.
Am I in trouble?
No. No, no, no, no, no.
Nobody's a robot. We're doing the script as written.
Okay, places everyone.
And action.
Teddy, can you come here a minute?
Am I in trouble?
Teddy, we need to talk to you.
Well, I'll just say it...
Your mother's gonna have a baby.
A what?
A baby. You're gonna have
a new little brother or sister.
Oh! Now what are you doing?
I just felt the baby kick.
No. No, no, no.
That's impossible. The baby doesn't have feet yet.
Okay. You know what? I'm just trying
to figure out the mix of emotions that I was feeling that day.
You know, the excitement, the confusion,
The fear, the hormones.
Yeah, do you know what I was feeling that day?
It was "why are you having another baby?
you barely have time for the three kids you have now."
Was that in the script? Because I'm lost.
Teddy, honey,
What was that?
I'm sorry, Mom. I shouldn't have said that.
Well, is that really how you felt?
Were you really mad that we were having another baby?
Yeah, I kinda was. Why didn't you say something?
Mom, what was I supposed to say?
Charlie was on the way. You were all so excited.
Excited? I didn't know how we were gonna make it all work.
I was terrified. Really? 'Cause you didn't show it.
That's because I'm a really great actress.
Come here. Sit down.
Do you still feel that way,
like we don't have enough time for you?
Actually, today I thought maybe you had
a little bit too much time for me.
No. Seriously,
I don't know how you're doing it,
but you guys are doing a great job.
Well, that's because we're not doing it alone,
and one of the big reasons it works is you.
The boys help out too.
But you're right, it's mostly me.
Look, Teddy, in the future,
if ever you're feeling something, you've got to tell me, okay?
Come here. Come here.
I want us to always be honest with each other.
Okay, I'll be honest with you.
Say the lines as written or you're fired.
Aww.
What's the matter, Gabe?
Um, Dad... are you okay?
You look shook up.
Wheelie's back. I know! Isn't it great?
Yay. Um...
How did you find him?
Oh, I came home from work,
I saw that kid take on your bike,
So I called the cops and they arrested him.
They arrested Jake?
But he's just a kid.
Ooh, he won't be when he gets out.
What? What's wrong, son?
Something bothering you?
Um... No.
No? Well, something's bothering me,
because here's what I think really happened.
First, you sold your bike to Jake,
and then you pocketed the money.
Then you opened the garage door...
using the keypad.
Finally, you grabbed the remote
from the kitchen cabinet
and you planted it on Charlie.
Interesting theory, but it doesn't prove a thing.
You're right. You're right.
I didn't have any hard proof,
but I kept thinking, thinking.
And thinking.
And then a bell went off.
Is Gabe here? No.
Tell him Jake wants his $10 back.
This bike is a piece of junk.
All right, you got me.
Now what happens?
Ask your mother.
Back from the bike store.
Charlie, your brother has something he would like to say to you.
Go ahead, Gabe.
Charlie, I'm sorry I tried to frame you.
Aw. Remember the first time I said that to you?
Like it was yesterday.
And now here is a little I'm-sorry present from your brother.
Okay, bring it in.
Oh. Yay!
Yeah, we exchanged Gabe's new bike for this one.
Thank you. You're welcome.
Charlie, there you are on your very first bike.
Yeah yeah. Teddy girl,
Mama's baby child has a new tricycle!
It's pink and red and it's got little stickers on it.
Yup, and there's mom stealing your very first spotlight.
Good luck, Charlie.
I feel so bad. I just can't tell them apart.
It is hard. And I don't want to offend them.
Well, you just have to find one little thing that's different.
What do you think?
I have no idea, and I'm married to one of them.
Hey, uh, Dads,
Can I have five bucks?
Huh. I love having two dads.
Unbelievable! We'll never figure it out!
Wait. Wait.
Yup. That's my guy.